'Technically, I don't owe you anything' : Girlfriend Pays Boyfriend's Rent for Four Months Assuming He'll Pay Her Back, He Sees It as a $4000 ‘Investment’ in Their Relationship

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elina lee
May 10, 2023 2:00 PM EDT

if you ever want to know your partner's true colors - move in with them. The moment when two people decide to take the next step and merge their lives together is supposed to be a moment of joy and celebration. But in reality, it may just be the beginning of the end. Don't get us wrong, this doesn't apply to all relationships ever, but once you live with your partner, everything changes. You know, not to be dramatic or anything. 

Once you go from dating to living together, your relationship suddenly becomes exposed to a humongous list of chores, responsibilities, utilities, and so much more. Romance may have to take a back seat for a while, as you navigate this new step of your relationship. But it's in moments like these when true colors come out. When you learn about each other's maturity and financial levels. Could you see yourself starting a family with this person? Merging finances? Taking out mortgages? 

Today we're bringing you a story about an example of a couple whose true colors came out once they started living together. Have a read for yourself and let us know what you think in the comments! 

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/Goatcheesecask 13 hours ago Boyfriend (M20s) thinks that the $4K I (F20s) loaned him is an investment in our relationship.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 02
    Font - We are in our mid-20s, dating for a year and a half. Before I met him, I lived extremely frugally and built up a savings of 20,000. Now, I have about 4,000 of it left. I don't want to cast the blame on him! I made poor financial decisions in this relationship. In the span of our relationship, I was laid off from two jobs, and I didn't say "no" to eating out and other purchases. I am working a low- wage job (18/hr), and live jn one of the most expensive cities in the world.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 03
    Font - I moved to his city within a few months of dating and we got a place together; he quit his job, so I had to cover the first two months of rent and security deposit (which we did not get back) until he found work. A year later, we moved to a new city for his career aspirations, which is even more HCOL. Again, I had to cover the first two months rent and security deposit until he found a job.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 04
    Font - In total, he owes me roughly 4,000 in rent. I THOUGHT I was "loaning" him the money until he got steady enough to pay me back, and every now and then, we'll get into an argument about it.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 05
    Font - Last night, I once again brought up my concerns about my finances and my low savings. One of the key solutions is for me to get a more high paying job, which I am actively looking for. But in the meantime, I told him I'm no longer living above my means, and I need to go back to my frugal lifestyle which he disagrees with. He
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 06
    Font - doesn't want to scrimp and save now, because he believes that in a few years, we'll be in a much better financial situation once our careers take off.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 07
    Font - I brought up the money I "loaned " him and asked him if he would sign a repayment agreement. He flipped out at the word "loan"! He was extremely offended and insisted that I wasn't loaning him money, I was INVESTING in our relationship, and just like an investment, I need to let it mature and grow; I can't expect it back all
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 08
    Font - at once. And asking him to sign a contract meant that I didn't trust him or have faith in our relationship.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 09
    Font - In addition, he's thinking about proposing soon and wants to join finances, so because we're "in this he doesn't think that he together," technically "owes" me anything.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 10
    Font - I'm honestly in disbelief and although I love him, I feel like we are not financially compatible. I assumed that covering his rent was a "loan", and I would get it back. Even more so, he said he can't make monthly payments to me because he has a few
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 11
    Font - vacations planned with his friends Yes, he's been working hard and deserves these vacations but I basically feel like I'm funding trips that I'm not invited on.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 12
    Font - I feel trapped. I make about 2,500 a month. We rent an apartment that is 2,100 a month. If we break up, there is NO way I can afford this on my own. I can't get another roommate because it's a one bedroom. lease left. I have 8 months of this
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 13
    Font - Should I stay for the next 8 months because of our lease? Try to talk to the landlord about breaking the lease?
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 14
    Font - I love him, really, and we have SO many great memories. But I think that our financial and maturity levels are too different, and the longer I stay, the more resentment I'll build.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 15
    Font - TLDR- I covered my boyfriends rent for four months, but he insists that this was an "investment" in our relationship. He promises he'll pay me back but he simply can't afford it right now because of vacations he's taking. I'm thinking about cutting my losses, but I'm trapped because of a lease I can't break and an apartment I can't afford on my own.
    via u/Goatcheesecask
  • 16
    Font - jrl_iblogalot 13 hr. ago You two are not compatible on this major issue. Getting married and joining finances would be a disaster. If there's any way you can break this lease, do so. If not, well, I guess you're stuck for the next 8 months, but you need to control your money. Let him spend his money on whatever he wants, but do not give him another cent.
    via u/jrl_iblogalot
  • 17
    Font - Cheerio13 12 hr. ago He owes you $4000. What you decide to do next is up to you.
    via u/Cheerio13
  • 18
    Font - ArOwar 11 hr. ago This, OP. He owes you $4000. It is not your fault that he missunderstood and thought he isn't going to need to give the money you work for back! OP, your boyfriend might be a parasite.
    via u/ArOwar
  • 19
    Font - TaterMA 10 hr. ago ● Well he has money for vacation but not OP. There's enough red flags to see from Mars. Stop paying rent, he can pay you back by paying it on his own
    via u/TaterMA
  • 20
    Font - ilostmytaco 7 hr. ago I mean, OP did say they assumed he would pay it back. It's a hard lesson, but that should have been agreed to up front with a signed agreement if that was the condition. OP sounds like they need to have a real sit-down conversation about finances with her BF and make a decision from there.
    via u/ilostmytaco
  • 21
    Font - Riled Astaldo 11 hr. ago As far as hard lines this is tricky. Honestly OP messed up pretty badly when she "assumed" it was clearly a loan. Even in a fully loving supportive relationship with two people on each others side... if you're covering rent you need to at the very least explicitly call it a loan out loud.
    via u/RiledAstaldo
  • 22
    Font - At the very least. It would likely extremely difficult to put any sort of legal force behind the claim of "owing" her. I know that's not what you said, just worth pointing out the limits of how much she could potentially play hardball about this.
    via u/RiledAstaldo
  • 23
    Font - griphookk 6 hr. ago He didn't misunderstood. He just doesn't want to pay it. He owes you for half the security deposits you payed too
    via u/griphookk
  • 24
    Font - Revo63 6 hr. ago ● I'm going to disagree here. It is partly OP's fault that he misunderstood, because they did not discuss this beforehand. Both of them had the responsibility to talk about how the finances would work. Boyfriend didn't bring it up because it wouldn't be in his best interest. OP didn't because
    via u/Revo63
  • 25
    Font - she preferred to assume that bf Ok, now she gets understood. to explain in detail why he doesn't get a free ride.
    via u/Revo63
  • 26
    Font - BurgooButthead. 11 hr. ago Woah hold your horses. Its not clear-cut that he owes her 4,000. Giving money in relationships is definitely tricky, she needed to specify that she expected to receive the money back.
    via u/BurgooButthead
  • 27
    Font - diamondscut · 7 hr. ago When I have covered for my husband I never thought about it twice. There was a long time he wasn't paying the mortgage for an error in set up or sometimes I just chipped a couple thousand on his credit card and dont even tell him. He spends also for our home without second thought.
    via u/diamondscut
  • 28
    Font - Of course these two are not married. I would probably be upset if I had to pay rent for a parasitic guy, and I definetely would kick him out if he saved on rent to go on a trip without me. Wtf dude.
    via u/diamondscut

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boyfriend living together investment relationship-drama relationships rent loan invest dating
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